How to Tweet like a Total Douchebag
- Disrespect the hashtag. Use it frequently and with no real purpose. Ignore the fact that hashtags exist to enable useful searches or to allow users to find one another. Nope. Just put a hashtag in front of every word you think makes you #awesome.
- Wear a suit and tie in your profile shot. Or, if you’re a woman, make sure it’s one of those Glamour shots from the mall. In any case, make sure it’s impossible to distinguish you from other douchebags when spotted on the street or in the airport. (You’re important so you’re flying around a lot, right?)
- Make sure you mention your clients/customers/people who are paying you the big bucks in as many tweets as possible. It makes you legit.
- Don’t ever forget to tell us what a killer workout you just had. You’re inspiring us!
- Even if you’re not a true celebrity, make sure your Twitter name begins with “the real;” you know; how else are we going to know it’s you, for sure?